Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
