Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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