just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
