honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
