apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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