At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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