how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize