i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
