i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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