At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
