Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish you could order shots online.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
