Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
