so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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