she woke up with a sticky ear
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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