i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
