This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize