Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm passing your future prison.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
