So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
