I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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