If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
