My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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