pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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