What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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