Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
