I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
