It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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