if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
