whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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