This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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