I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
