i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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