A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
