Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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