"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
