i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
