you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
