Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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