I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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