In America we eat man semen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize