respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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