when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
