im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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