in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
