where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize