im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
