I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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