finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
