i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're a waste of cheezeits
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
