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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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