What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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