He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
