I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
