so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
