he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
