I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
