Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize