Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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