You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
