The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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