my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just pee around me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
