I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
