I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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