Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
