Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
